I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
