LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
