Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
