Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
