That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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