his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
