So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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