Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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