i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
