i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
