so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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