I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
