It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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