I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
