I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
