He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
