I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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