there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
