Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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