We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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