hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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