I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
