Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
