I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
