I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
