Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
