I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
