He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
