I'm going to jail i love you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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