so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
