This is not my ceiling
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
