we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You pole danced in your parka.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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