I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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