I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
