I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
