He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
