First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
