my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I intend to get homeless drunk
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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