I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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