i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
