I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
