i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
