Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
