a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
