if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
