there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
