pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
