Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
