i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
