I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
