I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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