Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
