My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
