Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
