mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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