Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
