I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
